Firsts
by LoquaciousGirl
Summary: There were so many firsts for Remus and Sirius.


When they first met it was normal.

It was at the feast after they'd gotten sorted. Remus had ended squished in between a quiet pudgy blonde boy and a smiling black haired tall boy. The dark haired one turned around and greeted, with a sliver chicken hanging out of his mouth, "Hello there! M' name's Sirius Black"- here he swallows the rest of the chicken, and continues, "Who're you?"

Remus shyly toyed with his fork, twirling it in his half eaten mashed potatoes, and made sure he looked anywhere but the boy's eyes when he answered, "M-my name's Remus Lupin."

Sirius flashed a brilliant smile at Remus, and he took a moment to notice how blindingly white Sirius' teeth were, and then thinking of his own chipped teeth and feeling slightly jealous.

Sirius' messy haired companion leaned over the table a little and introduced himself to Remus as James Potter. Said James then turned to the redhead on Sirius' other side and said something that Remus couldn't quite catch. The redheaded girl sniffed indignantly and turned back to her food.

"So, Remus!" exclaimed Sirius suddenly, and Remus jumped. Sirius chuckled.

"Remus, huh? Interesting name," he said offhandedly, now chewing on another piece of chicken in a manner that rather reminded Remus of a dog. Sirius had barely said two words to him before he turned back to James, but Remus still got the feeling they were going to be very good friends.

--

When they first became real friends, it was exhilarating.

It was at the beginning of their second year. Before that night, Sirius was just that boy that Remus had mild conversations with sometimes. They helped each other with particularly difficult homework, had short conversations when in each other's company, and laughed with each other when something funny happened in class.

So, it came as a surprise when Sirius woke him up in the middle of the night to go have a little fun outside.

"Remus..." a voice whispered in his ear, and he was starting to wake up a little. He felt a gentle hand shaking his shoulder. "Remus, wake up..."

Remus eyes' fluttered open and he looked at Sirius with curious annoyance.

"Hi Remus," Sirius whispered, kneeling next to his bed, "Listen, do you wanna go to the grounds? I can't sleep and I don't know what to do...James is being a prat and went back to sleep." He scowled briefly, "Anyways, can you be nice and come?"

Sirius gave Remus his best puppy dog eyes. Remus mulled it over - he was awake now anyways. Sighing, he swung his legs off his bed and watched with amusement as Sirius shot up and clapped his hands once with excitement.

"Okay, c'mon let's go!"

Ten minutes later Sirius was running out onto to the green grass and stopping right in time before he fell into the cold lake. Remus was laughing and jogging to catch up to him. The two of them looked up at the night sky and Sirius plopped down onto the grass, right at the beech tree, and Remus did the same.

"Damn," Sirius muttered, "There are too many clouds out tonight, we can't see the stars."

Remus sighed disappointedly, but then his eyes brightened.

"You know what I like doing?"

Sirius turned his head towards him and looked at him curiously.

"Looking at what shapes the clouds make," Remus elaborated, looking up at the cloudy, dark, sky, "It's fun."

They both fell on their backs at the same time.

"What do you think that one looks like?" asked Sirius, pointing to a cloud on Remus' left. Remus looked at it and bit his lip, evidently thinking hard.

"It looks sort of like...like a face, yeah?"

Sirius looked at it confusion.

"No..."

"No, really, squint at it. See there's the nose, and that could be the hair, and the lips, and..."

"Oh, yeah! It looks like a girls' face," Sirius exclaimed excitedly, seeing it now, "And that one"- he turned his head the other way, Remus doing the same, and pointed to the cloud on the right, "That one looks like a man, if you squint at it too"-

Remus squinted.

"Yeah, you're right..."

The two exchanged a look when the clouds started come closer together. The parts of the clouds deemed the 'lips' actually locked and Remus and Sirius burst into giggles.

"They're," said Sirius, "They're making out."

Which brought on another bought of laughter. They watched as the clouds mushed closer and closer together and soon become one. Remus turned his head towards' Sirius'.

"We just watched cloud porn."

--

When they first came out to each other it was relieving.

Sirius came out first, to all of them. He, Remus, James, and Peter were all seated in the dormitory at the end of second year. Sirius was fidgeting on his bed, wiggling his foot, and avoiding eye contact with everyone. The suspense was starting to get quite unnerving. What did Sirius want to talk about? Was he sick? Did he have to leave school? Was he a vampire? Remus ignored the irrationality of the last thought, and instead focused on how cool it would be if a werewolf was best friends with a vampire.

"The-the-thing is," Sirius started hesitantly, staring uncertainly at all their patient faces. Then he went silent.

James walked over to Sirius' bed and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Sirius, you know you can tell us anything," he said reassuringly, "We accepted Remus for being a werewolf. This can't be much worse, can it?"

Sirius looked comforted and stopped fidgeting - well, fidgeted less.

"You're right, I'm being silly," he muttered, mostly to himself, "Just please - please, don't hate me, okay?"

Remus thought that the voice he'd said that in was heart breaking, and wanted to give Sirius a hug, but then Remus wanted to give anyone who ever sounded sad a hug. James rolled his eyes and pushed his messy black hair out of his glasses. "Sirius," he said exasperatedly, "Just tell us, okay? We promise we won't hate you. Don't we?" Remus and Peter nodded encouragingly. Sirius took a deep breath.

"O-okay, well the thing is, I-I sort of," he toyed with the hem of his pants, "I think I might be bisexual? Okay, it seems really stupid now that I made a big deal, but I was s-so scared and c-confused, and so, could you guys not tease me? I mean, I'm not totally sure or anything, like almost sure, but yeah - I mean, it could be a phase. I don't know. I-just-yeah-um"-

Unable to take it anymore, Remus unceremoniously launched himself at his recently discovered bisexual best friend and wrapped him in a bear hug. Sirius stiffened in surprise but returned the hug, grasping on to Remus, obviously relieved. Remus smiled into the other boy's shoulder and let out a muffled, "Group hug," and not much after, Remus and Sirius felt the two other sets of arms belonging to James and Peter around them.

And there they were, the four popular Marauders, wrapped together in a girly group hug. Remus felt something strange while doing this, but ignored it.

In the beginning of Third Year, Remus eventually figured out what the strange feeling was, and crawled into Sirius' bed immediately.

"Hey, Sirius," he whispered, shaking the other boy awake, "C'mon, I have something to tell you."

Sirius' long lashes fluttered and when his liquidly grey eyes were fully open and slightly alert, he looked at Remus with confusion. "What's it, Rem?" he stumbled sleepily.

"Sirius," said Remus urgently, "I just figured something out."

"Hmm?"

"I think - I think, I'm like you."

"Wha'dya mean?"

"I mean, I mean, like you who you like and stuff."

Here Sirius' eyes visibly became more alert and he stared at Remus uncertainly for a good twenty seconds. Remus fidgeted uncomfortably.

"What?" Sirius asked in a surprised tone, "You, mean, you think you're bi?"

"Well, yeah," said Remus nervously, his heart feeling like it was going to beat out of his chest. He didn't know why he was so nervous, it wasn't like Sirius wouldn't accept him - that would be over the top hypocritical. But he couldn't help it.

"The only thing," Remus said, swallowing a lump in his throat, "The only thing is - I don't think I like girls. At all."

Sirius' eyes brightened with understanding.

"Oohhh," he said.

And then it was silent.

"Well, Remus," Sirius said, after about ten seconds, "You know that's okay right? I mean, you don't need to worry about any of us not - not accepting you."

Remus nodded, the beat of his heart starting to go back to a normal rate. He let out and deep breath and the other boy smiled at him.

"So...so do you fancy anyone?" Sirius asked, cocking his head curiously. Remus looked at him and his heart started to beat faster again. He blinked confusedly.

"Er, no," he said softly, and then thought to himself, _At least I thought I hadn't..._

"Me neither," said Sirius, smiling at Remus, at Remus felt his heart sink a little.

_What is wrong with me?_

"Hmm," Remus sent Sirius a fake smile back, and said, "Well, I'm sorry for waking you up...G'night Sirius."

"Night, Remus," Sirius yawned, and pulled the covers over himself, falling back asleep almost immediately.

Remus didn't get that much sleep that night.

--

When they got together, it was awkward.

For one thing, it wasn't it person. It was during the summer before their fourth year, and it was short letter by short letter that they admitted their feelings to one another. Remus didn't live too far from Sirius, so the owls only took about five to ten minutes to get to each other. Remus was lying bored on his bed when he got Sirius' first letter:

_RANDOM QUESTIONTIME! _

_-Sirius_

Remus chuckled and took out his quill and ink, 'random question time' was not unusual for Sirius. He did it whenever he was bored, and they surprisingly led to productive conversations.

_Okay, what's your question?_

_-Remus_

*

_Okay. _

_Ummm, I hadn't thought about that._

_Er._

_Oh, I know!_

_What would you do if I told you I liked you?_

_-Sirius_

Remus bit his lip as his heart started to beat faster. He wanted to write 'jump you' but instead, he wrote:

_I don't know, I'd...I'd probably give you a hug. What about you?_

_-Remus_

_*_

_Well, first I'd think you were joking._

_But if you were serious, then I'd be like...=)_

_-Sirius (like my smiley face? I know, I have great artistic abilities.)_

_*_

_You'd be happy?_

_-Remus_

_*_

_That's what a smiley face typically means._

_-Sirius_

_*_

_Why would you be happy?_

_-Remus_

_*_

_Because I like fluffy marshmallows!_

_Don't you?_

_-Sirius_

_*_

_Umm, Sirius?_

_Really, why would you be happy?_

_-Remus_

_*_

_See, now I'm craving marshmallows._

_Do you see what you do to me??_

_-Sirius_

_*_

_Are you going to answer the question?_

_-Remus_

_*_

_No, probably not._

_-Sirius_

_*_

_Why not?_

_..._

_Sirius, do you like me?_

_-Remus_

_*_

_Um._

_Well. _

_Yeah, yeah, I do, and if you don't that's cool._

_I mean, that's fine._

_-Sirius_

_*_

_Uhh._

_Well._

_Sirius, what would you say if...if you I told you I like you too?_

_Because I do._

_-Remus_

_*_

_Well, then I'd be really, really, happy._

_Kind like I am now._

_-Sirius_

_*_

_Like me?_

_-Remus_

_*_

_I'm giggling like a bloody girl. _

_I hope you're happy Lupin._

_-Sirius_

_*_

_Oh, I am._

_-Remus_

_--_

When they first kissed, it was déjà vu.

It was in the middle of fourth year, outside on the grounds like so many years before, but this time it was late afternoon. The sky was cloudy again, a blur of pinks and reds and purples, and Sirius was laughing, trying to drag Remus into the water.

"Sirius-I-don't-want-to-gooo!" Remus whined, trying to pull out of Sirius' grasp. Sirius chuckled, and pulled his boyfriend closer.

"Okay, okay."

They plopped down onto the grass, again like so many years before, in the same exact spot, at their beloved beech tree. They looked up and Remus laid his head on Sirius' shoulder.

"What do you think that cloud looks like?" he asked quietly, snuggling closer and pointing to a cloud on Sirius' right. Sirius smiled.

"A face."

"What about that one?"

"Another face."

"A boy and a girl?"

"No," said Sirius, wrapping an arm around Remus' waist, "They look like two boys to me. In fact, they sort of look like me and you."

Remus smiled at his boyfriend, his brown hair flopping into his amber eyes.

"Let's not watch cloud porn this time," he said huskily, and then they were kissing.

--

When they first said _I love you_, it was blissful.

It was the beginning of their sixth year, and they were curled up together on Sirius' bed. It was Saturday, and though they were both awake, they would much rather stay there together than get up. Their hands were intertwined underneath the blankets and they were staring into each other's eyes like they never wanted to look away.

"I love you," Remus whispered suddenly, his hand coming up to touch Sirius' face and Sirius drew him closer.

"I love you too."

They huddled almost impossibly close together.

"So much, Remus. I love you so much."

--

When they first made love, it was spontaneous.

It was in the middle of seventh year. They lied together afterwards, a jumble of sweat and heat and love.

"I, I can't believe we just did that," said Remus, grasping Sirius' arm as if to see if he was actually there, "I can't believe it."

Sirius chuckled and gave Remus a chaste kiss on the corner of his mouth. They hadn't planned it. It just happened.

"Do you regret it?"

Remus looked at Sirius and smiled slowly.

"No."

--

They weren't destined to be together forever, what with the war and the drama and everything going on. They were starcrossed lovers, like Romeo and Juliet in their own way, but they didn't care. They got their years of happiness together, and it was enough.

**_Dedication: I dedicate this to Luci, AKA EvilLittleNerd1981, because this is a true story all the way up to Awkward, because we haven't really gotten past that stage yet =) I guess these are the kind of romantic stuff I hope happens to us, I guess. I just hope we don't end up as badly as Remus and Sirius did, lol. _**

**_LoquaciousGirl_**


End file.
